I know its been awhile...

The last half of 09 was kinda wierd and crazy and busy as well... Some where around late Oct. I came into this new state of mind and basically reinforced it once the new year came. The past 2 yrs have been filled w/ LOTS of change! I am a cancer and I hate change! So, needless to say it took me awhile to adjust and just accept shit. First off the pregnancy in 08, was never how I wanted to have a second child but it is what it is and it had to happen that way for a reason. My best friend also moved out of the state in 08 and I was in a nightmare of a relationship(if u can even call it that) and my 2 other next in line besties were "out of reach" lets just say. So I felt very alone and I was pissed off and depressed. I couldnt wait for 09 to get here because I said this will be a MUCH better year and I guess it really was. Nothin to really complain about. I basically continued to learn and finish adjusting to the new things thrown at me from 08. I was basically still alone because the 2 friends came back into the pic but one got fucked up w/ the law and the other was still there but things were def different. So I still felt sorta depressed and Im glad I had someone that was very helpful in talking and listening to me. My teacher of all people! Hes great and I appreciate every second he listened to me and offered up advice that I wasnt quite ready to accept. But finally I guess I did, at least the main part of it. 2009 was also somewhat wierd/complicated when it came to men. I was in a very wierd place w/ them However there was one who had "made it in"(so to speak) a few years back. I feel like I was played with emotionally though. So I had to distance myself and somehow I learned how to just turn off my feelings and just be totally indifferent. It was wierd how it happened too. Almost like it happened overnight! Its like there was a switch in my head that I just flipped off and now its like, "fuck em" and yea ur cool and yea ur fun to chill with but I HONESTLY do not want a man at all! Matter fact the thought of a relationship stresses me out! Its so much work, and at this point my life is kinda simple and I want it to stay that way for a while. Especially since Ive never been single for a significant amount of time in my adult life, let alone happy about being single. So besides being single as far as having a man, Im also still alone, really(as far as my friends) but for some reason now I like it and Im totally cool with it. Im honestly not depressed, Im just finally content being who I am and I dont want anyone new because new people(men or women, love or friendship) bring drama and bs, I guess you could say Im fed up, but Im not pissed about it, if that makes sense? This new state of mind and my "fuck the world" (w/o anger though)attitude, may be wrong, I dont know but I do know I like things simple and they are very simple right now! Im cool but for some reason once I decided to be single and stay that way, guys are coming out of the woodwork wanting to see me; lets go out, lets hang out, I miss you, you know I always liked you, I like u alot, etc... and its funny in a way but in another its like, no no no! And certain people have to be put on ignore because I just dont wanna go there right now! So anyway, this blog was really just to vent my thoughts since I got the urge to finally blog again, lol!